Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Hello :/

So a lot of stuff's been happening. A couple of weeks ago I had a breakdown. It was so scary- I was hyperventilating, and crying, and running around and I didn't know why. I told my mom everything- i want to switch schools, I feel alone in my own house, and I want to see my old therapist again.

I have an appointment this week, Wednesday I think. I'm nervous of course- this time I am going for a diagnosis. I never got that before. And after going through everything in Health class and such, I have a lot of problems. If everything is text-book accurate, I have bi-polar depression, OCD, ADHD, anorexia, and anxiety. While I know I can't make a diagnosis for myself based off of health class, the supporting evidence is there.

Just a thing about the anorexia- I do eat. I love eating actually. But I don't eat breakfast, or lunch. And I eat a pretty light dinner. It's mostly snacks if I actually "pig out". But they were completely right about one thing- I feel fat. Oh so fat. I get really bloated when I eat, so my stomach balloons out and I nearly look preggers. So that doesn't help with me wanting to eat more. This may be going into TMI area, but I'm nearly 16 and haven't even gotten any signs pointing to the fact that I might be close to have my period. Absolutely nothing.

My parents took away my phone, and I can't use the computer after 8, which adds to my feeling alone. Especially seeing as it's vacation, I don't see my friends everyday like I would at school. So basically, I have no human contact or support system.


1 comment:

  1. I commented before so it's no surprise I'm going to again. I'm a bit older than you, I'm going on 34 and I am finally at a point in my life that I have stability and normalcy but it took me a long time to get here... and you will too. You sound a lot like I was at 15. I know you don't feel it but you are so young and when you are, it's really, really hard to not care what people think about you but there is great freedom in deciding that you don't. You have to see these people, you can't get away from them because you have to go to school but what they think doesn't determine who you are, you do. Your self worth is not decided by whether or not some asshole guy at school decides to give you a carnation on Valentines Day. I never did understand why the school did that crap either, it just makes the less popular girls feel bad. I'm going to tell you something else too- I've had a lot of different diagnosis, the last one being bi polar but I've heard severe depression, personality disorders, had all the stupid tests- ever done the 3000 question bubble test? Whatever diagnosis they give you, it's not the end of the world, its a chance to define how you feel and take some control back. You are not alone.